I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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