The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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