My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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