I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
