the condom got lost in my hair
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
