i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I queefed so loud it echoed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
