i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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