singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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