everyone is single if you try hard enough
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
