Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
