I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
