$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
