i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
