I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Enjoy the penises
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
