You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
