My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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