Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
