he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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