planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize