My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
