sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
