You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
