why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
