i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
