so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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