My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
