I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nicole vs. Life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
