What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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