Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
