i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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