I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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