in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
