why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
