yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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