I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize