Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
