3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
