how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
