k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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