Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
