Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
