with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
