I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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