Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
