i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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