Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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