i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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