How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
someone owes me an orgasm
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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