I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
