his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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