How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
