the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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