And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
