i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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