covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
