she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize