So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
