I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
