I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
