I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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