dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize