it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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