Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
