Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
