Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
