I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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