There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
