Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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