She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize