I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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